Saturday, December 18, 2010

long term goals...........

This past week there was "a tremor in the force", I treated myself to a couple of dinners out and a pint of ice cream for dessert. To make a long story short...... it wasn't worth it. I just wound up feeling bad and wishing I'd had my usual meals of turkey or fish with brown rice and vegetables.
I wanted an escape, a little mini vacation, and sometimes I think that a high fat/caloric meal will do that for me, and it used to. In the past I was able to escape with food, but at the moment it's not working and I'm glad for it. I think I'm more focused on maintaining a healthy, light weight for myself year round, all the fattening food is not filling the void, I feel even more empty.
I really try to stay "in the moment" which is a hard thing for me to do but in this area being focused on the future is working for me. I dream of spring and summer during the winter and the last thing I want to think about when it gets warm is having to shed the 10-15lbs I put on over the cold months. So I use this visualization to help me to stay focused on the present.
In conclusion, visualize who you want to be in the new year and the spring and summer to come. Develop good habits in the winter when it's a challenge to stay focused, if you can do it during this time of year, you've got it made when it gets warm and everything gets easier.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

stagnation........

Stagnation regarding my diet, over the past few months I've eaten a henhouse of egg whites, a coop of chickens, plots of sweet potato's and garden's of broccoli......etc. To be honest, I'm sick of it, I gotta change things up.
I've noticed that over the past month I've given up going to "the energy kitchen" and getting a sirloin burger and a peanut butter protein shake (I love both of these). Small though it may be, this could be the cause of my discontent. I have to be careful with my rigidity, otherwise I'll wind up feeling like I'm being punished, and put myself in a place where I'm resentful and rebellious which is a recipe for some kind of acting out usually involving food or over spending.
I may very well deserve something, a treat, a massage, a few days off.....hey we all do, but I still want to be responsible and feel good about what I'm doing. I'm well aware of when I "cross that line", but if I'm feeling like I've been feeling I begin to tell myself that "I don't care". "I don't care" is another sign that something not so good is about to occur, because I do care....a lot.
So what's next? What do I do? I think I gave myself the answer when I talked about "energy kitchen"....... I should go back and eat there more often, lighten up on myself again, I need a constant reminder that I'm human, and these little things make the mundanities of life live-able......a return to balance. I also know that this way of being is a little extreme, but it is who I am and what I must do and if I want to feel, perform, and look a certain way. I'm not suggesting that this is for everyone, this is strictly my own thoughts, feelings and experience.