Saturday, December 11, 2010

stagnation........

Stagnation regarding my diet, over the past few months I've eaten a henhouse of egg whites, a coop of chickens, plots of sweet potato's and garden's of broccoli......etc. To be honest, I'm sick of it, I gotta change things up.
I've noticed that over the past month I've given up going to "the energy kitchen" and getting a sirloin burger and a peanut butter protein shake (I love both of these). Small though it may be, this could be the cause of my discontent. I have to be careful with my rigidity, otherwise I'll wind up feeling like I'm being punished, and put myself in a place where I'm resentful and rebellious which is a recipe for some kind of acting out usually involving food or over spending.
I may very well deserve something, a treat, a massage, a few days off.....hey we all do, but I still want to be responsible and feel good about what I'm doing. I'm well aware of when I "cross that line", but if I'm feeling like I've been feeling I begin to tell myself that "I don't care". "I don't care" is another sign that something not so good is about to occur, because I do care....a lot.
So what's next? What do I do? I think I gave myself the answer when I talked about "energy kitchen"....... I should go back and eat there more often, lighten up on myself again, I need a constant reminder that I'm human, and these little things make the mundanities of life live-able......a return to balance. I also know that this way of being is a little extreme, but it is who I am and what I must do and if I want to feel, perform, and look a certain way. I'm not suggesting that this is for everyone, this is strictly my own thoughts, feelings and experience.

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